Terrible Two’s

TERRORble Two’s

Boy oh boy, did whoever named the terrible two’s accurately do so. The only thing I would change would be the spelling. It should be the TERRORble two’s because at times, my two year old is a holy terror. Don’t get me wrong. I love him dearly and adore his strong personality that I know will get him far in life one day, but I simply cannot make up the things he chooses to throw down about. Yes, that’s right, THROW DOWN. Sometimes our entire day is just that, a throw down. And I’ve been told the three’s are worse. The only thought I have on that is, “How can that be possible?!” That’s a rhetorical question. If you know, please don’t tell me. I’d like to live naively for just a bit longer. If you do not follow #assholeparents on instagram, GO NOW. It is seriously amazing. It sums up my life in hysterical pictures and comments, that once again, you just can’t make up. Now, let’s just take a glimpse into a few terrible two moments, aka #jesusandwine moments, from today. Trust me, there will be many more documented in the future.

Let Me Throw Down

Before James goes to sleep (nap or bedtime), he likes to watch a little of his favorite, Mickey Mouse. It’s usually time to go to bed before the show is over, which James does not like. I can’t really blame him on this one. Who wants to go to sleep in the middle of their favorite show? Anyways, Chad and I so cleverly, at least we thought, figured out that if we fast forward to the end of the show, the fan favorite Hot Dog Dance, James thought Mickey Mouse too was going night night, and he would willingly go to his room. Well, all good things must come to an end, right? That end came this morning. James figured out what I was doing, and what do you think he did? Threw down of course. Stomping those footed pajama feet of his and screaming. It’s never too early for Jesus, but is it too early for wine?

And yes, he is two and I put him in footie pajamas for nap time. Want to know why? If I don’t, the beginning of nap time results in James stripping, including his diaper, going to the bathroom in his crib, and momma changing crib sheets for the 10th time this week. You my child always have the cleanest sheets in the house. Your Mac would be so jealous of how often your sheets are changed. I would google, “How to get your child to stop stripping,” but I’m thinking I might not get the best search results.

At Least We Have Manners

James goes to school two day’s a week. He screams every time I drop him off. I ask his teacher every time I pick him up if he behaved, and she always tells me yes, but she doesn’t elaborate. The former teacher in me doesn’t think she’s telling me the whole truth. I know there have been a few times that unless a student did something the parent really needed to know about, I probably fibbed a little bit as to their child’s everyday behavior.

My mom was in town last week and picked him up from school. His teacher told my mom that he was so sweet and had the best manners. My question to my mom was, “Why can’t he be like that at home?” Sweet that is. I’ll give him one thing, he is so mannerly. Chad and I always discuss how if our children misbehave, we want it to be at home as opposed to in public. Of course we want them to behave at home, but if they just cant manage to hold it together one more second, we’d rather them behave in public than in front of us. I told Chad the other day that James may be terrible at times, but he’s going to have manners while being terrible. Give me a moment to brag, please. The sweet little thing say’s ma’am and sir, thank you, you’re welcome, please, and my personal favorite, “ blesh”, aka, bless you. Please don’t let that baby figure out the words are actually bless you anytime soon.

The Silver Lining

After bath time this week, Chad was getting James dressed for bed, and I was getting Weston dressed for bed. I am always thankful when Chad’s there so we can tag team them. They may have been fighting over me and hanging on me all day long, but when Daddy walks through that door, it becomes a quick, “Who’s Momma?”

Weston has a canvas above his changing table that of course he has figured out how to kick off the wall with his feet. Naturally because why would we have one calm place where we don’t find something to mess up? Does that place exist?

So in due time, he did just that, kicked it off. It landed on my head. I must have made a loud comment because the next thing I heard was James screaming from the room next door, “You ok momma?” Oh, be still my heart. Those few seconds make those terrible two tantrums leave your mind and fall in love all over again. Until the next tantrum of course, which probably happened five minutes later.

The night came to an end as they always do, even though some days I feel like they’ll go on and on. At the end of the night, I said thank you Jesus for my boys and wished I had a bottle of Moscato chilled in the fridge.